Gallery of the Absurd

Happy New Year From Stinkerbell and Crabby

I'm a little late in posting this, but Gallery of the Absurd, Stinkerbell and Crabby would like to wish everyone a very peaceful and happy 2009. Multiple requests came in to draw the Paris Hilton Tinkerbell controversy, so I went ahead and gave it a shot. I don't know about you, but I'd love to see Paris Hilton cast as a gangly oversized Tinkerbell in a bad Disney movie. Now that's entertainment. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.

For The Brangelooney on Your Christmas List: Touched By A BrANGELina Decorative Collector Plates

Confused about what to buy the obsessed Brangelooney on your Christmas list? Look no further, get them the Touched by a BrANGELina Decorative Collectible Plates and they'll be foaming at the mouth in an uncontrollable frenzy. Each handcrafted porcelain plate in this collection is shaped in a circle to reflect their beautiful family circle of love. Because the Jolie-Pitt clan is more than just a family, they truly are angels sent from heaven. Honor their blessed impact on our lives and choose your favorite offspring from a wide selection of children in Brad and Angelina's enchanting rainbow family, including Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh and the Holy Twins, Knox and Vivienne - with many, many more to come!

Display this Touched by a BrANGELina collector plate collection proudly in your home, or choose to throw them with delicious force at pictures of Jennifer "Maniston!" Don't miss this chance to celebrate the most blessed of families. Frighteningly strong, obsessive-like demand is expected for this beautiful plates, so order today.

I think I'll place a rush order for this one. Medium: photo collage. Illustration by 14, text and product name by Candy Kirby of Holy Candy.

Gallery Show: Macho Cheese at Seattle's Joe Bar

I'm thrilled to be participating in a group art show called Macho Cheese. Curated by the super talented Chris Crites, Macho Cheese celebrates the time when the cheesy macho man reigned supreme. Remember back in the 70's and early 80's when TV and movies were just oozing machismo? Big bushy Tom Selleck mustaches, Hulk Hogan, Telly Savalas, Mr. T, Burt Reynolds, Firebirds, mullets, wrestling, etc., this show will revisit the cheesiness of the over the top macho man. I'll be showing my Rod Stewart painting titled "Rod Stewart Digs for Gold While Wearing a Billowing White Poet's Shirt." It was inspired by one of my very favorite paparazzi photos of Rod and the moment I saw it, his macho 70's cheesiness catapulted to a whole new level. Other artists include Kamala Dolphin Kingsley, Clair Johnson, Francesca Berrini and Kelly Lyles. Show opens Dec. 10 from 6 - 8 at Seattle's Joe Bar and continues through the end of the month.

Could This Be The Face of Bronx Mowgli?

Much ado has been made over the name Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson have chosen for their little spawn, but I'm more interested in seeing what the kid is going to look like. Since a million dollar magazine cover debuting the tot hasn't been announced yet (maybe it has, I'm out of the loop these days), I took the liberty of predicting the outcome:

* There is a high to extremely high probability the child will be frequently dressed in a hoodie.
* There is a high probability the child's hoodies will be designed by Daddy and then promoted in all the tabloids.
* There is a medium to high probability the child will possess a prominent chin.
* Depending on the amount of hair, there is a high probability the child will sport a flat-ironed Emo curtain.
* There is a high probability Papa Joe Simpson will make a creepy remark about Ashlee's nursing boobs.

I could be wrong though.

Jessica Simpson: The Preacher's Daughter Featured on Cosmo Cover

I said I'd post to GOTA from time to time while on hiatus, so here is my offering: Jessica Simpson's Dec. 2008 Cosmopolitan cover as viewed through patented Absurd-O-Vision technology. Passing the newsstand last week, my gaze could not help being assaulted by the lurid Comso cover. Like an aggressive streetwalker indiscreetly peddling her wares, the Cosmo cover simply refused to be ignored. Jessica Simpson's poorly photoshopped boobs are surrounded by day-glo colored words such as NAKED, SEX, SKANKY and ORGASM. A headline, Your Orgasm Face, What He's Thinking When He Sees It includes a cartoonish Mr. Bill O-face graphic - just to drive the point home further. Visually overwhelmed and wavering between amusement and revulsion, I came home and painted the image seared into my mind. Below is the original cover, but there's really not much difference between the two. Medium: Watercolor and acrylic on paper, digital color.

Gallery Of the Absurd To Reinvent Itself

I'll be scaling back the postings on Gallery of the Absurd to once a week until January '09. Taking some much needed time away from celebrity gossip, I'll be posting daily on Resplendent Chaos (my other blog) while I take a little time to experiment with fresh inspiration, new techniques, and learning the basics of animation. After nearly 4 years of illustrating the stories told about celebrity gossip, my engines of creation have finally come to halt. I still have a little more in me and will post here when the inspiration hits, but I look forward to expanding the subject matter of Gallery of the Absurd to beyond just celebrity gossip and will engage in more creative collaboration with other bloggers in the future. ABOVE: An image from Las Vegas Chronicles, a series of paintings, sketches and photographs from my recent people watching adventure in Las Vegas. Honestly, most of the people I saw walking the Las Vegas strip were far more interesting than boring celebrities.

Cover Your Ears, It's the Elisabeth Hasselbeck Screech Owl

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Screech Owl
Vociferor Conservativus

The Elisabeth Hasselbeck Screech Owl is a small, loud, opinionated Owl of the Species vociferor conservativus, indigenous to the United States’ Right-Wing regions.

It is a bleached-blonde Owl that sits erect and is always prepared to tearfully defend its territory should any creature attack the Bush Administration or theistic evolution, or question the Iraq War. The Screech Owl’s feathers are easily ruffled; however, recent field reports indicate the Owl is capable of graciously cooing, rather than screeching, at the most unexpected times. This is the first time the Owl has been known to eat post-election crow.

The Owl was first spotted in the Australian Outback, where zoologists originally called the cute bird a “Survivor Sweetheart.” Now living in New York City , the Owl migrates to Republican events across the country during election season.

Most owl species depend on camouflage, stealth and small animals to survive, but the Marc Jacobs-clad Elisabeth Hasselbeck Screen Owl seems to defy all the conventional owl wisdom, surviving on a diet of FOX News, Rosie blood and egg white omelets with spinach. The Screech Owl’s only natural enemies are its co-hosts and liberals. Medium: Acrylic on paper, digital paint, photoshop. Concept created by GOTA and Holy Candy. Latin name and description written by Candy Kirby.

Obama Drama O'Rama

My talented artist pal, Charles "Chuck" Frazier sent this drawing to me a few months ago - I think it's high time I posted it. Congratulations to President-Elect Barack Obama.

Is Donatella Versace Turning Herself Into An Old Indian Chief?

While painting the Donatella Versace post below, I had several images of her opened on my desktop to use as reference. A friend was visiting at the time and was hanging out with me in my studio. She walked up behind me, pointed to this photograph of Donatella and said, "Wow, her face looks just like an old Indian chief." Striking me as a funny and accurate observation, I went forth to bring the quip to reality. Medium: photoshop composite, apologies to Sitting Bull. Thanks Kipling.

Boo!

A little blood curdling Halloween fright brought to you by Italian lovelies, Michaela Romanini and Donamelta Versace. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.